Experience

I want to delete my presence

I want to sink into the ground

Watch my skin sag off my bones

My organs freeze and body parts replaced with maggots and fungi

I want to stay still

Not move

Aware but I can’t feel

I’m numb

I just sit on this shelf in the universe collecting dust

Brain disconnecting from this reality to the next one

I am no longer a sex object

I am no longer a daughter a sister a mother

I am no longer a person

It keeps going until I am no longer

I am no

I am

I

I am everything

I am no one

I feel numb

I feel everything

I repeat

I sit still

I breathe in

I breathe out

Involuntary

So tired

I feel so numb I just want to shut off

My batteries need flipped around

How long will I last

Everyday I feel closer to seeing numbers on my expectation date

What is the point

The point of any of this

Maybe there isn’t one

Just like breathing the universe involuntary expands and experiences

Why does it matter

The anxiety the mind constantly scanning

Constantly zooming out from world to dimensions

No one cares

No one sees it

Not the big picture

Not the wall the big picture is on not the building the city the state the country the planet the galaxy

No

Further then that

Before all of that

After all of that

I’ve seen it

My head won’t stop showing me it

I get nervous

I’m nervous

I’m probably also delusional

Crazy insane

Maybe it’s just anxiety

Maybe this is meant for me

To lose any comfort I had left in this experience